new blog

due to the overwhelming desire to speak my mind, I needed a blog that would allow me to password protect. therefore, my new blog is at www.robhod.net/blog

new blog

due to the overwhelming desire to speak my mind, I needed a blog that would allow me to password protect. therefore, my new blog is at www.robhod.net/blog

I am freaked

my ILs will be here tomorrow
i scheduled a meeting 45 min away for tomorrow evening last week b/c they said they would be here on thursday.

i am seriously contemplating NOT going to my meeting tomorrow, but then that could be money we missed out on. UGH - crap. i really want to go, hmmm....maybe i will just leave my desk area crappy messy and get the kids's room done and ready to go and the laundry done (staying up late to do that tonight) and i could possibly do everything......but do you ever get tired of doing everything?!?! i mean, i am seriously tired of trying to do everything. :(

this week cannot pass quick enough.

one more thought....

so today i had my alumni game from college - LOVED it. it was so nice to see everyone today and, well, it was nice to receive some compliments - playing a college sport with 16 other women, you tend to know EVERYTHING about each other. And all my friends were genuinely surprised that I was into photography and graphic design. Apparently I hid my love for arts very well - lol. Anyway, a few friends said, we went to your site and thought - holy shit she did this?!?! i was so flattered, and it was really nice for a change to hear it from an objective person rather than just my family - kiwm?

so i have also never been one to hide my feelings well. my friend from college is coming into town this week and i am dreading it with every fiber in my being. we were close. really close. but then i found a man, got married and had a child. i also became a sahm (not our choice, i was laid off and decided to not find another job) anyway, she would come out here and judge us. she would stay with us b/c we offered, but those stays quickly turned into "you don't treat your hubby right, you need to be nicer, you need to do this, you need to do that" and the flirting with our husbands (i say our b/c there are others on my team who have hubbys that she flirted with) and then when i had a child, the comments got worse, t hen turned to me getting back into shape.

apparently she has some martha stewart, june cleaver FUCKING WARPED idea of what a SAHM does. I can't help her there, i just can't stand to educate one more person on the benefits of staying at home and why it works for us. i am also not either martha or june, nor does my home look like either of theirs. we know this, we struggle with this and we are working on this. i say we b/c it takes all of us to make a mess. and honestly i shouldn't have to clean up after everyone 24/7. anyway, i offered to have her and her boyfriend stay here with us. we have the kids move to our bdroom, and all would be well. but when i offered, she just say "um, no. we won't be staying with you. i don't know where we will stay, but it won't be with you"

that's it. nothing more or less, but very rude and to the point. which is fine. but it hurt the hell out of my feelings. you know what she could have taken an extra 45 seconds to say "wow, that's really nice of you to offer, but we know how crowded you are in the first place, and we will make our own arrangements"

so since then, i really haven't talked to her. she had her bday and i had mine. i sent her a gift b/c it was her 30th bday and one of her AZ friends did a surprise bday party for her and i just really couldn't make it. so then she felt obligated to send me one, and i got it and called her immediately and that was 2 months ago. haven't heard from her at all.

i am heartbroken, but on the same token, i am not. i don't have time for this shit-i have so much going on in my own world that i just cannot devote another minute to figuring out her head. nordo i want to especially after that last comment. i just am so hurt- and i possibly did something else that hurt her, but shit that just sucks.

and she is coming, this thursday - apparently as someone from the team told me today - and i didn't even know she was coming that day for some reason. thank god my ILs will be in town. i have a fund raiser this friday night, and then we are escaping to the mountains with the ILs to get out of town and that way i won't be here to talk to her.

our never ending quest

we went looking at new homes again today. you know what? we both liked the same home - i was shocked. purely shocked. and it is a new build, which would rock too.

the only problem is going to be our home. and trying to sell it and to be able to pay out our house before purchasing the new one.

we are both totally motivated right now. not only b/c our house is coming along nicely b/c the ILs are a comin, but b/c this just "feels right". I know that sounds odd, but if you know our whole story things have just come together for us in our world, like it was scripted or something. and this is truly one of those moments for both of us.

anyway, the kids are off with the grandparents this weekend, and we have had a glorious time right now. do i miss them? of course. but it has been a nice time trying to reconnect as a married couple :)

apparently i am stressed out.

ya. you heard it right. i sat down tonight and started thinking why i am feeling anxiety - here's what i came up with

• my ILs are coming, but i have no clue when
• our house needs to be scoured for their arrival
• they were going to bring dogs, but now aren't
• still don't know when they are coming....or leaving for that matter!
• kids are headed with my parents this weekend - this will be the first weekend trip away from us, and oddly, i am looking forward to it
• i have an alumni softball game on saturday
• next friday a fundraiser dinner which i have to get all gussied up for
• next saturday fun filled day of playing photographer :)
• the following week a birthday party and wedding in the same day

that doesn't seem like a lot when i look at it written down, so i am going to chalk this one up to my issues with pmdd. yes, laugh out loud, but it is seriously true. i have it. I used to take YAZ but now i cannot be on bcp, so there is an agenda for me and my OB visit this month as i have every single symptom below and some are worse than others. I just want to be 'fixed' kwim?

http://www.yaz-us.com/home.jsp

Heres some PMDD symptoms which was me...

Emotional symptoms: Irritability Moodiness Feeling anxious/tense Feeling sad or depressed A sense of hopelessness Feeling worthless/guilty Feeling overwhelmed/out of control Feeling sensitive Having conflicts A diminished interest in activities Difficulty concentrating

Physical symptoms: Bloating Increased appetite Fatigue Muscle aches Headaches Food cravings Sleeping more Trouble sleeping Breast tenderness Breast swelling

sometimes all it takes is a cocktail to wind down.

wow, i am so glad hubby came home. I really needed a cocktail tonight. after being late for everything today (like 10+ minutes late) to school, gymboree, back to school to pick up child, it was just too much for me to then also have a speeding ticked slapped on me.

i am so tired tonight. i am so stressed out with the uncertainty of when the ILs will get here. I am just thankful hubby is giving the natives a bath right now. I really needed 20 minutes to myself.

Send me some love!!!

Lookie - I have no comments anywhere! lol. yup, no comments. sometimes when there are no comments it makes me think that no one is reading. if you are reading, send me some love!! :)

I talked to my cousin last night, she is getting married. She has a lot of friends in our state that are getting married - she isn't located here, she is in California, but they can't decide between here or there, so they are going to get married in Florida!! LOL - Florida! wow. I don't blame her though, they are having a hard time with all family and friends, I just reassured her that your wedding is really for you, so make sure you enjoy it!

Anyway, I am going to SF in November, and at that time I will get to take her engagement photos- you have NO idea how freakin excited I am. NO IDEA. And she wants me there to take the photos for the wedding. I am so excited - my first wedding where I am the official photographer :) not that i wasn't before, but there are distinct differences between being the main and the 2nd. Her wedding will be small (most likely under 40 people), so no need for a 2nd, but i am truly excited for her (and secretly excited for me :)

That being said, I am sitting here looking at a mound of CRAP on my desk that MUST get attention today. That is my goal for today. I should post pics of my desk before and after...hmmm...i will go get a photo and then hopefully report on the progress later.

why i now am a proponent of carrying 4 beach towels in my car.

i am sure glad they make leather seats. so this week, no last week, on wednesday we were driving to costco - my sis, e and v, and myself of course. we got almost there, and then we saw something out of a movie- v was puking his guts out - like projectile vomiting in the car. i was amazed. we stopped, i pulled over. my sister went to e's side, she couldn't bare the smell or look of v. meanwhile i was digging out chunks of unprocessed broccoli and chicken and his lunch, pancakes. nice. just what i wanted to be doing. in my moment of sheer meltdown, i glanced in the back of the car and saw a bright pink towel - i ran to the back, only to see 3 more towels!! HOOOOORAYYY!!! I WAS SAVED.

so i threw one on my poor guy, and then drove home. wrapped him up in multiple towels, took him to the bathtub stripped and bathed (well, my sis did :) ) then e and i went outside and hosed off his carseat and the leather with baby wipes - WOW leather sure does clean well :) i was so excited!!

anyway, he puked all night. e puked all friday night and then he puked again last night. thank god i only felt queasy on sunday. or i would have been horrible to deal with. my babies are better - except v is trying to push through 4 eye teeth at once (which might explain his puking too)

oh no you di'nt

I have to tell you guys about my lunch date.

we went to lunch with a former co-worker. Now, she is pregnant, but not pregnant, she is a control freak whom can mostly hide it. Pregnant, she is a hormonally raging woman, whom is also of french origin, and holy shit she just about made me jump out of my seat.

to start this off, i feel really bad for my e. she was so sweet and so kind and i have learned my lesson, no more lunches with this woman.

the last time we went to lunch, she complimented me on how well behaved my children are and then proceeded to discipline e at the table, this from a woman who doesn't have any children AND well, she is not family therefore she cannot discipline my children.

so today at the table, e got in first, and then v and then me, so em was sitting by her at the half round table. e loved her and sat very close to her, which wigged her out (uh, get used to it, you are 5 months preggo) and then proceeded to tell e every. single. fucking. thing. that she did wrong, from coloring wrong, to using napkins wrong, to putting napkins down wrong, to accidentally kicking her, etc. it was a night mare, only b/c i could see the sadness in e's eyes.

by the time the food came, pancakes their FAVORITE, she cut them up for her, and then poured MAYBE a tsp of syrup for her. e asked for more please, and she said you have enough - HELLO NUTCASE - I AM HER MOTHER, AND YES I WILL DECIDE WHEN SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH.

so, minutes go by, e just eats her applesauce and then she sits back and almost looks like she is going to cry. i said, e do you want more syrup? and she said no, and i said, wow then i will have to use your syrup b/c you have a ton left! and then she smiled and said yes please, and i poured the entire heap on it - to passively prove a point.

you know, we do not go out often - or a better description of us going out is NEVER. we don't have the money - we go to lunch once in awhile with my mom, but going out - to a niceer restaurant than an italian deli, is rare. so my children can have whatever they want. period. (well, okay within reason, but a 4 tbsp syrup container is not out of reason)

anyway, it was horrible. by the end it was horrible. e kept kicking her (accidentally of course) but every time she kicked her, she would say - you are kicking me, you need to apologize now - hello lady - she is THREE. not THIRTY FIVE LIKE YOU.

i was so fuming by this point, i said, e to make sure that you are not invading her space please move towards me, and e did and she said, oh you don't' have to move, and i said yes she does b/c she is obviously bothering you.

you know, 3yo's sometimes point to things that they don't know what it is - that is how they learn what something is - and e pointed to a piece of food, b/c she didn't know what it was, but wanted to try it - and she immediately pulled her hand down AND DISCIPLINED her for pointing.

we got out of the booth, and she took v for a walk to the car, and i picked e up and gave her a huge hug and kiss and told her that it doesn't matter what a stranger tells her she is doing wrong, just as long as mommy and daddy love what she is doing she is doing just fine - and daddy and i are the only ones that she needs to listen to - and if she is uncomfortable in a situation, all she has to do is ask me to sit by me. she smiled at me and i was seriously about ready to cry. i hugged her and carried her to the car, i felt so bad - and for those of you who know me, I do not carry her (or v very much for that matter) anywhere.

WTF gives people the right to do things like this? i mean, i was FLOORED FLOORED. i couldn't deal anymore - i just told hubby that i will just have to be busy for the next 10 years if she calls for lunch again. or if she is lucky enough to have me answer the phone again in my lifetime.

at least my kids won't be with me.

A very true statement for business.

I recently read another local photographers blog where she put down her competition, and even more directly, the photographer that took her family photos a few months ago!

Anyway, when in business in any industry, it is very important to know that you never know who is reading your public information. However, more importantly, putting down another business is just plain wrong. I understand the need to justify why you are different and to differentiate yourself from the competition, and you can do that without putting down others. It looks tacky and in the end it is just bad juju.

This is an excerpt from a post from a photography board I am on, this woman was recently accepted into the professional forum and did a lot of reading from a professionals standpoint. This is what she had to say about differentiating yourself amongst your competition and putting your competition down:

"So for those of you with websites that have 'about me' pages - if you are saying ANYTHING about your competition - that you are faster, cheaper, better , etc. etc. - can I highly recommend you take it out now! Seriously, you have NO idea how smart that would be until you get into the professional forum and start reading threads.

So this is my reminder: photography isn't like Coke and Pepsi. It's a true community and everyone is interconnected in some way. So putting down your competition now is as stupid as shooting yourself in your foot. I think you'll find that you'll have a hard time with the professional organizations later and that you'll be perceived as a very narrow minded person who cuts down the industry as a whole just to make yourself stand out - that you can't do it with talent so you do it with attacks."

My weight loss challenge.

So I found this awesome site - Spark People - and their site reminds me somewhat of weight watchers, only its FREE!!

I have been using this site, beginning this week. It tracks your weight loss, your exercise and, get this, MAKES MEALS FOR YOU!! And also has a place where you can add things if you don't want to eat their meal for the day.

I LOVE THIS SITE! Also, I am proud to say that since July I have lost 10 lbs. Seems as if the thyroid medicine is working :)

my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Food Tracker

My heavy heart.

I read a blog often, it is about a young family whom just lost their child to cancer. I mean, it just seriously aches my heart. I get tears every time I read her entries, about dealing with daily life after her son passing. I know that she is hurting, and for some strange and odd reason, I really want to just drive 1.5 hours to see her and give her a hug. I don't know her personally, I have never met her. But I feel like I know her. I mean, we belong to the same "cancer club", the one that drains every living being out of your family, all the tears out of your eyes, and all the life our of your soul. Only I was lucky enough to survive. And so was she, her hubby and her two girls. And now we both (along with every other survivor and family member of a person who didn't survive) have survivors guilt. I mean, why did I survive? why did this poor small child not? Who picks and chooses?

My heart just aches for this family. And I am sending all the love and peace to them I can virtually.

OMG OMG OMG - LOOKIE at my new template!!!

I am soo excited :) it's the little things in life

FABULOUS weekend

I had a FAB weekend with some girl friends. We went to the cabin, hung out, drank - and talked like teenage girls until the wee hours of the night. It was seriously what the doctor ordered.

I truly miss my girlfriends- or having them that is. You know, when you have play dates, it isn't really for the mommies with all of us who have children this age, it is truly for the kids as us mommies don't even normally get to finish a sentence because we are constantly looking after our kids and counting heads.

Since there was so much silence and time to think at night (massively due to children NOT waking us up, the house being pitch dark, and adding in a bit of alcohol to get some REAL sleep), I did figure out that I am not as nice as some. I have really been jaded along the line - maybe it was my upbringing (daughter and granddaughter of police officers), maybe running my own business or running a chat form or just my own life experiences that have made me really question people and who they are. I mean, really, there are some in my life (including online) that I have had differences with but I don't hate them or wish ill upon them, my feelings just get butt hurt sometimes and it takes me back to when I was a teenage girl. And I HATED my teenage years. I know that I will get over feeling this way, eventually, and I know that most people are truly nice people, but I guess you just need to draw lines for yourself so that you don't continue to get walked over.

I did come to the conclusion driving home in an empty car, singing my heart out to 80's and 90's music thanks to XM radio, that I desperately need to seek a physician who will listen to me and my concerns about my health. I am not "over" having cancer, I seem to have many emotional and psychological issues stemming from this and they need to be addressed. I am not the same person inside as I was 5 or 6 years ago. I mean, I don't intend to go back that way as I think you need to grow as a person, but I feel like the core of my being has been disrupted and I need to fix that and me before I can give fully of myself to others.

Does my hubby know this? yes. does he know that this is to the extent it is? probably not. I try to talk to him, but lately i am getting blank stares or the infamous 'what do you mean?' comment. Most likely due to the immense stress put on him by his boss in his job and then i feel like i cannot put more stress on him with this issue. So i guess i just feel like i am at this alone. Not many people understand the medical, physical and emotional stress and limitations that have been bequeathed to me, and no one knows how to fix it. And i am tired of talking to people about it that can't help me. Please don't take this as an I don't appreciate you listening to me and giving me hugs, I just feel that it is high time that I take this seriously and that I get myself help.

the longer i am a mom, the more laid back i become.

i mean, i would have NEVER let my lil girl sit on the side of the tub with me, 1/2 naked and soaking her feet just b/c she wanted to and when she accidentally got her undies wet b/c she jumped in, i just said, eh, go change them.

i mean, who is this woman?!?! ;) really, stepping back and saying, well, she has 30 more pairs to go put on, and it really isn't a huge deal. it totally made her happy to help me wash my shoulders - i mean she thought that rocked. and you know what? we needed some time to ourselves, just the girlies. she starts school next week. she is growing up. i won't have this awesome time with her for much longer, and as of next week, she will be forced to grow up.

i am not ready for this.

ever get those DUH moments?

so today i had an overwhelming feeling that i NEEDED to check our checking account. I was driving to lunch, not paying b/c my mommy is nice :) but felt like i needed to check it immediately.

well, life happened, i cooked, i ate, got sick, and then had to go to my class at the juco, and then got home and finally, i am sitting here at midnight and was able to check my account.

we were minus $45.00!! why? b/c idiot me forgot to transfer $300 for the appraisal on our home. now, under normal circumstances this wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't making our FIRST payment on our car and thank god we have overdraft protection and it covered our payment. good god. some days i really wonder how i keep track of my own brain.

i went to class tonight, and the professor asked me if i would be willing to teach the business side of running a photography business - ie: taxes, a marketing plan, logo, design, customer relations, etc.

he said he HATES that part of the business, and he admits that he isn't so good at it and was wondering if i would come up with a book and class outline and then he would get me connected with who i needed to be to teach the class.

so i got to thinking....there is usually 4-6 people per class. those 4-6 people pay $125 for a class, plus usually a $35.00 materials fee. I am guessing i would make about 50 per student, which wouldn't turn out to be so bad for 1 night per week for three weeks at a time. max 3 times per year. I am kind of excited about this and will probably be dreaming of this in the next few days :)

me, a teacher. one who HATED school. LOL.

*sniff* *cough* *sniff*

CRAP.

i think i am getting a cold - or it is horrible allergies!! i hate being sick during the summer.

oh, and get this. with all that is going on this week, we missed e's orientation at her new school.

we're great parents this week.

i understand.

i understand that...

i am supposed to be everything to everyone in my family.
my 3 and 1 yo depend on me for everything.
since i stay home, i am supposed to keep the house spotless.
i have to do all the financial work and figuring of things.
i worry so much over money and watch it like a hawk.
that everyone's needs come before mine.


I don't understand why....
my business ventures do not count.
there is little help from hubby and/or family.
i have to give up who i am to please everyone else.
why when i IM you at work, you can't spend 5 minutes talking to me when I am upset...
or let me know when you walk away from the computer so that i just don't think that you are ignoring me.

oh and how is this for a wcp....

i fixed my keyboard and now the space bar isn't jammed and is quiet again....i bet hubby loves me now more than ever!! :)

tried something new today

hubby gently woke me up this morning to go work out at 6:30 am!! and he so gently woke me up, and that was so nice of him. i immediately said, no i will do it later, but then remembered that i asked him to help me.

god love him, he said, whatever you want - and rolled over and went back to sleep until i got up and tried to get ready.

and you know what? i actually LIKED getting up at 6:30 and getting my ass out of the house BY MYSELF to wake myself up gently by watching news whilst i ran a mile. yes, me ran a mile. for as large as i am, i can still do it. i just need to shed this crappy weight off my belly.

so i will start going in the morning, as that will be my new routine. but we will start adding exercise equipment to the regimen as it was only me and the blue hair squad working out today- apparently people have to go to work and shower by 7 am - shower!?!? how lucky are they! LOL.

we are headed to kansas to go buy something...

well, not kansas, but 1/2 way to kansas!

anyway, apparently hubby needs to spend money (against my better judgment b/c i have only been spending money just b/c we NEED things not to buy TOYS)

anyway, we are headed out to buy a motorized bike, like the one he had when he was a kid. we took the motor we had to a shop and the IDIOT didn't fix it and charged us UP THE ASS for it. I should post his shop name so that people don't get taken advantage of.

Anyway apparently this one is pretty reasonable and it was found on craigs list - wish us luck. :) i will post pics this afternoon.

I hate going to wally world....

Man, walmart is just about the worst place to ever be on an afternoon with cranky kids.

We really needed food, well, not really, but it is nice to have the next 5 days of dinner meals planned out so that I don't even have to think at this point! :)

Other than that, the kids have been decently behaved and I have a TON of work to do so off I go - :)

The appraiser came and went.

well that was fun. basically he said a few things that I didn't know and that have changed since the last time that we looked into refinancing.

So lenders make the appriaser take comps from the last three months - well that's just peachy. No one has sold in the past three months, not even a foreclosure - um, it isn't b/c we are all stuck here, it's b/c we LOVE LIVING ON A LAKE!!! We have a condo on a lake, and it is super nice. In our area, you cannot find a place like this with the views that we have. But alas, the few ruin it for the many.

So hubby and i are taking bets as to how high (or low) our appraisal comes in at. None-the-less, even if our appraisal comes in high, we still might be okay with our payment not going up, so that rocks our socks to be able to get off of our stupid adjustable arm (thank you mortgage company for taking advantage of us and not educating us and realtor that we used, thank you for not guiding us the way that you should have) and to us, well, this was a VERY expensive lesson, one that our children will not have to learn on their own.

same crap, different day ;)

excpet for there is MUCH less of it!! :)

I got rid of two bins of trash, and then two trash bags, and one laundry thingy :) I am so excited. I didn't know that decluttifying your life could feel so good.

We have been on a MASSIVE de-cluttering effort for about 2 months now. Yes, we are slow movers, but it is coming along. I might even post pics when we are done b/c yes folks, we are THAT close to being done!!

I have to keep reminding myself of the accomplishments so that I don't get down -

Let's see items we have accomplished
kitchen cabinets
linnen closet
other linnen closet
Under kid's sink
Under my sink
laundry - this was the LARGEST one :)
our floor - under couches, all over the house the floor is clean :)
my dresser

I need to do my closet, and then the outer part of the house, but yesterday i also got through 3 bins of pure and utter crap and threw away most of the papers (or shredded them)

Ahhhh......my spirits are lifting as i type! We will no longer be a prisoner of our own home!

Wading through the crap.

We have an unusual amount of crap. I finally feel much better - it is true what they say - clean your closets and under your sinks, out and you will feel MUCH better.

I cleaned the following today:
under the kids sink, moved all our towels there and took out everything else. All nice and neat! :)

closet - put away all linens in the closet.

got through 2 big bins of crap. I have a bin for trash, shredder, and everything else I have been putting away upon touching it. NO MORE CRAP. That's our new motto.

I still have a ton more to do, and yet i find myself blogging b/c a huge mount of crap makes me tick and overwhelms me, so taking periodic breaks helps break up the mini-panic attacks that I keep getting b/c of all the crap here.

Here's to a productive day!

People who live in glass houses shouldn't cast stones.

I have to admit, I actually like blogging. I have like 3 blogs, all for different reasons. But I actually started this blog in response to another just because, well, passive-aggressiveness was happening on that blog towards me and my board, so I retaliated.

Childish? yes. absolutely. But seriously there is no other way to deal with passive-aggressive people. I mean, they say that they want you to come to them if you have a problem with them, but what they really mean is that you can come to them, but they don't listen. Period. I have tried. I extended an olive branch twice, and have been basically told to go jump in a lake (in so many words) But this type of typical behavior reigns true for ANY passive aggressive person. They always find a way to blame everyone else for their issues, when in reality if so many people have issues with them, maybe it's them that needs to take a look at themselves.

Yes, this blog is public. Yes people can read it. But no, my board where people talk in private isn't. And when people tell you 1/8 of what is going on, and sometimes it isn't true and sometimes it is, you cannot make ASSumptions as to what is going on. I read through the entire thread, and not once was their mention of kissing a drama filled ass.

Apparently I blog lies. I have never laughed so hard. No, I don't blog lies, I quote what others WRITE and if what other people write is lies, then well...........NMP.

Many people have asked me what happened - here is the LONG drawn out story for your pleasure - obviously from my side, but even so i have IMs to back it up. This entire 'riff' started when I was accused of telling another photographer that this person said she sucked and she stole her marketing ideas - the funny thing? Another person told her because this person told them personally, NOT ME. I kept my mouth shut, and my promise NOT to tell her.

Then this other person found out that I entered into a business relationship with the person she hated, she then severed ties between me and the board. In the process, she kept me close to her just long enough for her to create a board for herself and two other board members (whom btw were also moderators on my board, which isn't cool IMHO). Then they secretly private messaged everyone that they felt needed to "leave my board and come to theirs" all my members told me what was going on, and that's when I got pissed. Not that they made a new board, there are MANY spin off boards from mine, and I even belong to some of them. But the fact that they did this all in secret, bashed me and my board (and yes, if you bash my board you bash me for the amount of time i put into this) AND they blocked my IP from their board, which clearly sent a message.

Bottom line, people have feelings. Even if you don't think they know things they do. And they have other people watching out for them because of the way that they have been treated in the past.

Cleaver title - if you are a whiner and know it......blog. Hmmm......how bout this one - People who live in glass houses shouldn't cast stones.

We had the BEST weekend ever!

So saturday we went ice skating. Wow, what an experience. I totally was only able to contain myself on the ice, so hubby and god father took the other two kiddos. E really go the hang of it after one lap, and poor god father had to take her around two more times - his poor back!!

Then we got out of the rink, and it was BLAZING hot. I seriously felt like I was going to melt. So we decided to head to my parents house and go swimming! Then we headed back to the house for a nice evening BBQ.

On sunday, i had my boutique and then my grandpa's birthday party - he is 86!!! And then we came home, and snuggled. Well, shower time first as my grandparent's DO NOT have air conditioning, and we all melted there. Then we got our jammies on - well most of us did LOL - e fell asleep on the couch in her towel!! Apparently running around with your cousins in the backyard all afternoon makes you VERY sleepy!! YEAH for cousins!

Hub and I actually got some quiet time and got to hang out with each other this weekend - it was quite nice.

TGIF!!

I had a client cancel our session yesterday, so we are going today - and I just realized it's almost noon, and my kids (whom have been on an eating strike) haven't eaten yet today. They have had plenty of milk, just no real food. Thank goodness for ego waffles, that's all V has been eating for a week as he is teething and rejecting EVERYTHING else, well, except for chips. Apparently those are his FAVORITES!!

We are super busy this weekend! We are going to go do something fun as a family either tonight or tomorrow afternoon, I vote for tomorrow afternoon so that we can take the kids bowling!! :) But we are going to go ice skating tomorrow morning with E's godfather, who plays in the JR league in canada, so that will be fun. He is leaving next week to return to Vancouver island to play for a team.

Sunday I have a boutique and then my grandpa's birthday party - should be loads of fun! :)

Anyway, just a bunch of babble -

WOW The balls and meanness of some people

Dear Crazy Lady who is stalking my mom's board and then writing about it on your blog,

I tried extending an olive branch the other day only to have it slapped back in my face:

I made the mistake of going to the “evil” board this week and stumble across a confessions thread. It quite literally made me feel sick to my stomach. Either I am a mutant or these women need a reality check. Not that I should judge, I guess I am not really but I can’t help but wonder why it’s so hard to drink a bottle of water to help your body make good milk for the baby you worked so hard to bring into this world.

I want the best for my children, from breastmilk to schooling to parents. I want the best and if that means I can’t suck down a liter of Dr. Pepper then it means I can’t. My kids are more important the rotting my teeth anyway.

And sleeping, seriously, did you expect the baby to come with an off switch? You have to get up with them, period. If you are lucky enough to have a husband/boyfriend/girlfriend to help, wonderful but if they are the primary income in your life, they need to the sleep because you need the paycheck, that’s all there is to it. I can talk my three into a nap, Buns cannot. However, nap time on the weekends for him is out…. I draw the line there.

I know that you might think that you are a all knowing now that you have three children, but if you don't learn one thing from life, learn this. You live in a bubble - your internet and home world. You need to get a life outside your bubble to know that there are THOUSANDS maybe even millions of different parenting styles. Not every one of them is right for everyone, which is why it is awesome to live in our society and to be able to choose what we do with our children. Whether or not we want to co-sleep, cloth diaper, feed on demand or schedule, it is UP TO THE PARENT.

HOW DARE YOU criticize someone else for their parenting choices? WHO ARE YOU TO DO THIS and what are your qualifications to rank you superior to everyone else to judge them on that?

Stay away from the board. You are not welcome there anyway. I don't stalk your board nor do I care that you have one. Nor do I care that you have talked about us many times. GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND STAY OUT OF EVERYONE ELSE'S.

Oh, and by the way maybe this should have been the top part of your blog post (I have highlighted the ones that apply):

mean2 /min/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[meen] adjective, -er, -est.

1.	offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating; nasty; malicious: a mean remark; He gets mean when he doesn't get his way.

2.	small-minded or ignoble: mean motives.

3.	penurious, stingy, or miserly: a person who is mean about money.

4.	inferior in grade, quality, or character: no mean reward.

5.	low in status, rank, or dignity: mean servitors.

6.	of little importance or consequence: mean little details.

7.	unimposing or shabby: a mean abode.

8.	small, humiliated, or ashamed: You should feel mean for being so stingy.

9.	Informal. in poor physical condition.

10.	troublesome or vicious; bad-tempered: a mean old horse.

11.	Slang. skillful or impressive: He blows a mean trumpet.

posting is hard these days.

I have so much on my mind, I have NO clue where to start!!

I have little time due to children running a muck and my two businesses. I am a bit slow right now, along with the kiddos sleeping, so that's why you see a large post from me :)

I am sad. A child passed away from cancer. I normally try not to get too attached to blogs with childhood cancer, as they only end up breaking my heart, but this one was special. I know so many people who knew him and his family, I couldn't help but stare at the blog. every. single. day. until he passed.

I knew that he was getting close, having watched over 10 deaths from cancer and related diseases in my family, I knew he only had a few days left when the drs told the family instead of weeks to months, he had days to weeks. when doctors change that, there is just nothing you can do.

His parents are the most loving people I have met on the net, and i feel for them and their other children as today they attended a memorial service that is still most likely going on at this point.

OASN, we had a GREAT day, woke up early and went to the free fountains :) and we just had a blast. E ran through the water like she owned it, I was so proud of her. V, omg, he is my problem child. He walked away from me. Like, started to go back to the car walked away from me. Man, i have to keep my eyes on that one - he is going to make me go gray early!!

Oh, and I got a new hair cut!! When I was going through chemo, I had really short hair growing it back out, and i did it, I chopped it. I feel so liberated. My hair was just consuming my face and head, and really, I NEVER wear it down anyway.

Well, that's all for now. I have to go work on getting the kids's medical records transfered to another physician. Yea, nice thing to work on on a Friday afternoon eh?

CRAZY BUSY!

Things have been crazy busy- photo business is picking up, I am 2nd shooting for a wonderful photographer and friend, Missy's Closet is booming - so much so that I am investing a bit of money into it as I have plans to grow it, my MIL's business is booming (since I am selling her stuff, that = money for me too) and my kids are blossoming - and I do mean blossoming.

I have to tell you a bit about the past few weeks with them. V has started to talk- NON STOP. It has been the light of my life as what he says is hysterical. No one really knows what he is saying, just a ton of blabber but man he laughs at himself and I laugh with him. He is also a tad OCD (so I am sure my housekeeping skills are killing him) and when he finds a remote, phone, wallet, expodisc, he immediately gives whatever is in his possession to its rightful owner. We have recently found a new love for him, trains or 'shoe shoes' as he calls them. I LOVE this age!

E, she is growing into a logically reasoning manipulative negotiating toddler. I am constantly amazed at what she learns. For example, tonight. I had her take a shower with me quickly b/c she desperately needed one. So, we go to get out. My lil V notices a 'pee pee' she giggles. says that v has a peanut. A PEANUT?!?! WHERE DOES SHE GET THESE THINGS?!? And daddy has a nut. and mommy has a gina.

Oh My God. I have never laughed so hard. A peanut.

Then we proceed out to the front room where i found 4 - FOUR - flossing thingies in her purse. V got a hold of one and started flossing his teeth, or so i thought. he was actually just after the taste of the floss (glide) I giggled at that too.

So funny, loving, smart, wicked smart, and just overall pleasant to be around this week.

(remind me next week when they tear apart the house, k?) :)

Ever feel like you are in high school again?

I do. and I shouldn't.

I think I feel this way b/c I am used to being the entertainer - having people over and I cannot at this current home. we are busting our asses to get this damn place on the market, but running two businesses, having two bosses and a hubby that works crazy hours, doesn't help.

I *know* I need to stop making excuses, but you know what? I see families every day that work TOGETHER to help each other and i don't even feel comfortable asking my family for help. and when i do, they are busy and sigh.

it sucks and this is my problem b/c if i just swallowed my pride, i could do it.

we finally have the house in semi-presentable condition for me to ask my mom to come over and help, so i think we will be doing this next week.

I LOVE SHOUT STAIN REMOVER.

It's been awhile, but man i just found a new product - and no, this isn't a sponsored post as I don't do those :)

Well, i cut my leg and bled on my NEW SHEETS!! :( and was really upset. Well, as some moms, I didn't have the time to tend to it immediately, and today I got around to washing my sheets (don't worry, it wasn't like 3 weeks ;)) Anyway, I put some shout stain stick on it and O.M.G. the set in blood stain IS GONE.

Another miracle save on a cute skirt -
dd's skirt she kindly drenched it in purple something or other (most likely some form of colored juice) nice. well, I didn't notice it until yesterday, and today i put shout spray on it and voila! :)

So, here is my cocktail laundry recipe:

small amount of detergent
1 scoop of oxyclean
shout as necessary on everything.

that's it! :)

There's nothing like getting your hair cut to motivate you.

So I got my hair CHOPPED today, it made me VERY happy. I also got my eye brows waxed too, and that rocked my socks.

On the flip side, I kind of hate getting my hair done. I mean I have to sit there looking, no, staring at myself in the mirror and when one is as unhappy with how i look as i am, there is no greater motivation.

I am a bit blue today

i dunno why, maybe the weather, maybe the fact that I haven't picked up my camera in a week to take pics of my adorable kiddos, who knows. But it has got to be fixed.

I am making an appt with my doctor to discuss my medicines. Apparently they are interacting with each other, and I never knew it. Oh wait, my doctors should have known about this too - a gentle reminder that your doctors don't always have the time to monitor your health (god forbid) and that you need to do it on your own.

I am crabby with my kiddos and it needs to stop. They are just being kids, and i need to lighten up.

I need to get the rest of this house done - it is apparently all on MY shoulders, as I have been told that he doesn't know where anything goes and doesn't want to go through it as it is all my stuff.

I need a schedule. My body is affecting my every day life - and the last time i told my doctor that i had an issue with being over tired, she said it was because i just had a kid (10 mos ago) and i told her no she is wrong and then went to my oncologist to prove it and low and behold, my thyroid was off.

I guess I am just bummed. I take care of everyone else in my life - watch their meds, talk to the doctor to make sure things are okay, it is wrong to just feel like someone should be watching after me once in awhile? I am tired of being responsible for everything to the point at which I forget about myself. Time to reevaluate our world. :(

I thought about a lot today.

I didn't do much with the kiddos today - or the past few days. I have kinda checked out. I have this nasty cold that nothing seems to be helping with, and my whole body is achy.

we filled our storage unit. it was supposed to be picked up this morning between 7 and 10. It is now 9:30 pm and they are STILL not here. nice eh? FWIW, we used the storage barn, and while it is convenient and the right price.....you get what you pay for. I am sure the neighbor lady is quite pissed off with us as it is partially (and by partially I mean like MAYBE 6 inches) blocking her garage or it is making it a bit difficult to get into and she has had to keep her car out of her garage for like 3 days. She is old, wears moo moos and is just one odd duck to begin with.

I quit my HOA. I gave notice three months ago and they have still yet to find someone to replace me. I can't do everything, and the HOA isn't making us money or helping my kids, therefore it had to go.

let's see - lil girl is quite the lippy one lately. who would have known at this age they become soooo independent and FREAKISHLY smart. the lil boy? well...let's just say he is one frustrated lil man as he is trying to communicate and we have good days and then we have days like today where he just yells at the top of his lungs for everything. time to brush back up on my sign language b/c i am NOT talking to him w/o signing the basics to him anymore. lil girl said she would help, and i have no doubt that she will but i am sick and tired of being screamed at all day long.

lil boy cut two teeth yesterday - or the day before is when i noticed that they stayed out of his gums. we have been working on these for about 6 months. thank god they are almost in. we were getting tired of the process - and i am POSITIVE he was too.

well, i am not sure that i will have time to write the rest of the weekend, so happy easter and all that jazz. :)

Dude. i am stressed :)

easter's coming, I have nothing for the kids, i have a MASSIVE cold and have a commercial shoot tomorrow morning, along with a private shoot in the afternoon.

we have a storage shed that just arrived, my mom is coming in 9 minutes to pick up the kids and it is freezing out and it has already started to rain.

my camera went on the fritz, but thank god i figured it out today. so that's one thing checked off my list. HOWEVER, i did spend 1k today on a lens, which was a good investment, but made me shake buying it :) I NEVER spend 1k on ANYTHING much less on a hobby/for my work for ME.

i am going to feel WONDERFUL tonight.

Looking for a job, don't know where to begin.

Things have hit an all time low here. Without going into too much detail, I am working on my resume and searching for jobs again. I think I will end up going administrative so that my hours are set. Who knows. I am feeling quite inadequate and out of the loop on things for a job, so we will see. I don't know how to dummy my resume down so that people will take me seriously for an administrative position - I haven't been an admin for 10 years.....and when i was looking for an admin position 2 years ago, no one would hire me and told me I would be bored and not appreciate the job - great eh?

Hmm...what to do, what to do.. :(

Having a hard time right now.

When I decided to go into business for myself, I seriously didn't know that it would be THIS hard.

Family. I MUST come up with a way to deal with FAMILY. I mean, my prices are set, and I am lower than most but not too low that I am not paying for my time.

And why does family feel it necessary to come to you and say, "so and so is charging X, why is your product more?" That's like me going to Old Navy and saying, I can find a comparable shirt at Sears, why are you more? and oh, btw, can you give it to me for less? AND THEN ME GETTING PISSED OFF ABOUT IT.

I have done a lot of thinking, and will continue to do a lot of thinking. But I am tired of dealing with people who complain about every. single. thing. Maybe I should just make a no family policy? This isn't the first family member who has offended me or hurt my feelings.

I had another family member get really rude with me immediately following the birth of my baby. Like 3 days after the birth of my baby. She didn't hear from me for 4 days, and then when I followed up with her, she said, and I quote, "you didn't respond so I went somewhere else"

While that was a true statement, she didn't write anything else, didn't sign her name, wasn't nice AND didn't bother to pick up a phone to call me to place the order OR get any questions answered.

Most of the time I think it is due to the fact that most business now days is done on the phone or over email. I am pretty sure that sentiments get lost over it, but there are some sentiments that come straight through emails......and those are the ones that i am getting mighty tired of.

the weekend is over.

and i am so happy!!! I am exhausted from the weekend, and now my back is bad again - i stood on my parents tile kitchen floor for hours, and now i can barely move. nice. NOTE TO SELF - bring crocks when doing that type of stuff at parents house - i am actually BEGGING them to put in hardwood floors - i mean if sis and i are doing cooking and we always hurt after, then they should help us right? ;)

Crapper Soup

So yesterday i was talking to my sister telling her to stick with broth and crackers and pastina. So, I said, "get a huge thing of broth, and have some craCKer soup"

From the back seat I hear, "NOOOOO Mommy!! I don't want CRAPPER soup for lunch, I want a hot dog!"

LOL!!

Nooooooooo!!!

I better not be getting sick!! We are headed out soon for a vacation!!!!

Friday Night Fever!

so last night we had the meeting of the first dinner club - and i had a great time! It was nice to hang out with mom's, even if my kids were around :( that's what's hard in our tiny place, I felt bad to tell my hubby to get lost with the kids since he has no family here he has no place to go - so they banished themselves to our bedroom, but my lil girl was just to curious to stay in there.

great food, good peeps - fun night!! :)

Hello?? Poison Control?

my son ate 1/2 a packet of the cascade 2 in 1 action dish washer soap.

I gave him milk, washed his mouth out with water and the kitchen sprayer, and he puked."

GOOD GOD. that shit smells horrible, what would possess any living being to continue to eat it?

:( this is totally my fault, i left the cabinet open. STUPID MOM.

In response to a friend...

In response to my friend, who is having a hard time, your house and life isn't the only one in disarray.

You know, you just seriously described my life. I am pretty sure whether or not you have 2 children or 10, those problems will exist. I noticed a DRASTIC change in our lives when we added another one. Only having one, I got things done. Now, we pick and choose what is important to us. And now, what's important is selling our place!!

We also took our lives back last week. We decided enough was enough and we were to de-clutterize our house. We went around and did a clean sweep our style, and threw shit in bins and then went through the bins.

Out of 8 bins, only 3 remain, and one full bin of those is give away/sell stuff.

The clutter problem is mostly my problem. I am running two businesses out of our house, and there is really no room in our house to do these businesses. I am trying to record keep for personal and business, and I SUCK at recordkeeping (ie: tax crap) so now i have a new system in place.

clean laundry - MUST i go take a pic of our kids's bathroom, bedroom and the toy crap corner? you say yes? ok, here you go:

Bins left for me to put away:


Plastic Hell:


Our nice clean laundry in kids's bathroom:


So see my friend, you are not alone!! (hug)

Need Help Choosing a Logo

Okay, I need help choosing a new logo - my old one just didn't feel symmetrical to me.

First off, please tell me which layout you like:

1.

2.

Now, tell me which font you prefer:

3.

4.

5.

6.

Laughter. The BEST medicine.

There are some blogs that really bring you down - you know the kind that you read and the sky is falling - all of the freaking time!

And then there are those that you read and lurk on b/c, omg, someone else in another state or country is living your life. In fact, you could be Irish twins!

Dooce is just that to me. This woman is SOOO funny, I LOVE her writing style, and we have a child about the same age and her kid could seriously be mine. Some days I am laughing so hard when I read what she writes, that I have to take a break.

Speaking of laughing so hard, my face STILL hurts today from laughing so hard last night. I play in a buncogroup - and we had our bi-monthly GTG last night. We celebrated Fat Tuesday and my aunt's birthday and had a blast - er, well, we laughed so damn hard, I think I peed myself.

Cousin 1 was going to go get the cake for my aunt's birthday. Said cousin was looking for matches. We were asking around, and my sister and I asked my grandma (whom was sitting at our table) where her matches were. Grandma began back peddling b/c she thought they were up high in the linen closet - b/c you know, an 80 yo woman and man could start a fire!

So, we ask her again, as she seemed reluctant to get them or tell us where they were, and she whispered - "if you need something, I have spray" OMFG - she was thinking that we were asking for matches for the bathroom and NOT a cake-

Laughter erupted and us 12 women ROARED like you wouldn't believe - and for like 15 minutes straight. I think I peed my pants and was crying. I couldn't stop. So, my aunt goes to blow out her candles, and my mom whispers - go get the spray - so I run into the linen closet, and then come running out screaming HOLD ON WAIT FOR ME - with the can of spray - laughter erupted again, I thought my aunt was going to fall out of her seat. I am pretty sure we spent a good 1/2 hour laughing at this whole thing. And when all was said and done, and we started playing bunco again, every once in awhile you would hear a giggle and then the entire table laughing. My aunt was sitting by my grandma (her sister) and she just giggled so loud and like every 20 seconds and all she could say was - Oh A - I just can't stop laughing!!

And this is good. My aunt's husband died about 4-5 months ago and had lived with Alzheimer's for a good 5-6 years before passing. She is very sad. They had been married forever. My aunt is depressed, Another woman there suddenly lost her hubby a year or so ago, and this type of laughter is just what the doctor ordered.

I am sick and crabby.

if i have pissed you off today, I apologize. I will stick in my own corner today and just ignore me. alrighty?

And yet another thought....

i am taking my curly bug to get tested out at a preschool to see if she needs to be in preschool or pre-k. I am guessing preschool, but the teacher, upon talking to her, didn't even think that she should be in preschool until I told her thats he can recognize almost all her upper case letters, all basic shapes and colors and numbers up to 15. Now, she wants to evaluate her - hopefully curly bug won't make me look crazy :)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I love my Tuesdays

I go to coffee on Tuesday nights and I have to say that I am just totally refreshed after going. I love the company and the feeling of being by myself.

Although I am sick today, I just wanted to thank the girlies for coffee night!

work from home moms....

how do you do it?

It is now 12:48 and I have sent out two quotes, scheduled three photo sessions and received 10 phone calls for items needing to be ordered.

One child is sick, the other TOTALLY bored with me (but keeping herself occupied) and I just now saw that it is lunch time.

I MUST come up with a schedule. Or find someone *cough* my mom *cough* that can take the kids 2 afternoons per week.

Who would have guessed.

that a low thyroid level has a layered effect on your body.

Your appetite decreases
You are tired and sluggish
you are, um, constipated
You can be depressed
You cannot lose weight.

I have had all of these take a 180 this week after starting meds. I am in a MUCH better mood, my innerds are working like clockwork, I have so much energy......

This is the FIRST time I have felt NORMAL since before getting married - when all the cancer crap started.

I finally feel like myself again.

Battle of the blogs....

to the woman who keeps posting messages right after things happen regarding her in my life - quit talking to me through your blog. THAT is highschool.

Yeah so i am an idiot.

it took me 3 months to catch on about a few spin off message boards. And I wouldn't have as I don't usually go surfing the net for people's names. I have to say at first I was hurt, and now that I have read and seen some of the messages, I am just plain pissed.

I understand not every board is for every one, as I am on numerous boards myself, but man, if you go to another board, do you REALLY have to bad mouth everyone on the board you just left? Doesn't that just go to prove that maybe you were the one that was causing problems in the first place? What a nice way to start off yourself on a new board, talking about the "dark side" or "the OTHER board" Someone did that to the current board that I own. She came in and immediately started in on how bad the other board she just came from was. I went to the other board to see what the hub-bub was about, and goodness, she had managed to piss off every member. It was truly amazing, and I steered clear of her immediately.

A blog I browse occasionally states quite often that it isn't elementary school anymore people and wow. you are right. we aren't - but going and starting a new board b/c you didn't like the one you were on is fine that is the adult thing to do. Going there to talk smack about the members is not - that is what is elementary school.

holy cholesterol batman.

so my cholesterol is high. well, high is an understatement. i am now going on meds. the following is also what i am going to do as well -

limit red meat consumption - which I already do.
eat oatmeal every day
eat a salad a day too - b/c pure olive oil is good to lower cholesterol
no cheese, only mozzerella. this is the part that will SUCK.
wine - drink wine, red wine - 1 glass a day. WOOHOOO!!! :)
and my new rule - no eating at any place that has a drive through.

i have already started cooking in my home, and using sprays or baking and it is mostly chicken that we eat. i think i am just doomed. we have cut out most carbs (i rarely eat pasta anymore) and well, ugh. i think it might be somewhat genetic. both parents are on medicine and i had high cholesterol growing up. so um, crap. that's all i have to say....crap.

busy. busy. busy.

i can't say what I am doing, because my days go by so fast I have no clue what I do. All I know is that my kiddos are really happy, and that's all that matters.

So, we started our HUGE overhaul of our house to get it into real estate market shape. This plain just SUCKS. I can't tell you how much it sucks. We have so much, for lack of better words, shit in this house. I wish I could make it magically disappear just like samantha on bewitched, but alas, I do not have magical powers.

Therefore, we are sorting much like that TLC show where they came in and organized everything. yes, we are going through every room, putting all the crap into a bin and moving it to the dining room. Getting that room organized, and then moving stuff back in. My goal is to only move 1/3 back in, put NO MORE than 1/4 in storage, and toss/donate/burn the rest.

We just can't deal with being so unorganized, and boy is it hard. My only frustration is that hubby doesn't want to learn where anything goes (kids clothes, toys, towels, his own clothes) so that leaves me with the entire house. Much to my dismay.

I am sure he will come around in the next 15 years, but for now he has to focus on his job as it is quite demanding and challenging right now. So me, the ever so crappy housewife, gets to clean the entire house, solo. Oh, and maintain it too, that's always a fun and never-ending job.

To my friends whom i have ignored, my apologies. I just can't wrap my arms around what we need to accomplish. I promise I will return soon. :)

Ringing in the new year.

So we spent the new year at my parent's cabin, which was great. What wasn't so great was that poor princess had a stomach virus and my lil prince STILL has an ear infection - 3 weeks an counting. We went into the dr's today and got a shot of meds since the previous two didn't work. poor man.

I finally made a resolution - on jan 2. My resolution is to take care of ME. And I do not mean this in a selfish way, but more physically and emotionally so that I can be a better mother and wife. Yes, that means diving into some issues that I have with myself, my self esteem, and other people, but I need to be healthy in every aspect of my life - and this is it. Hubby is totally on board, and that rocks.

Anyway, my prince awaits me as his shot seems to have altered his attitude today. :)

So this is my new public blog.

Welcome. I am excited to get blogging.